The Man in 5E

I wrote this one as part of a revision exercise where someone had "told" us the story (the ending or the cliff hanger is mine) and my job was to revise it to add color and to "show" aspects of Marcie through the writing.

Marcie’s mousy-brown hair hung in wet ringlets around her head while her jacket dripped on the linoleum floor. She caught a glimpse of herself in the skinny, cracked mirror between the two elevators doors and pursed her lips.

Oh, my mother would love this look.

She rolled her eyes and decided that walking the two extra blocks to get cat food without an umbrella was clearly not the best idea for her hair, her not-so-waterproof jacket, or her new teal pumps. She sighed and pushed the button to call the only working elevator in her brownstone apartment building.

The skin on her arms and legs prickled with gooseflesh and her stockinged feet slid around in her shoes. If Dan hadn’t asked her that stupid question about the sports article he was writing, she probably would have been thinking more clearly before dashing out the door. 

Why does he always seem to do that at five o’clock?

A corner of her mouth lifted.

He’s cute, I’ll give him that, but his cheese had definitely slid off his cracker.

Watching the arrow above the elevator move towards one, Marcie flicked a strand of hair out her eyes and decided she didn’t care how she looked. Her cat, Tommy, was the only one who would see her tonight now that she and Bobby were in the off-again phase of their complicated relationship. Besides, the only thing she cared about right now was getting up to her apartment and into some warm, comfy pajamas so she could escape into the arms of channel-surfing oblivion. She felt the first burn of a blister on the back of her left heel and envisioned the unopened bottle of red wine on her counter. Marcie smiled to herself, she was almost home. 

When the elevator dinged and the door opened, Marcie hesitated slightly before stepping in. The elevator was warm and close and while she would normally avoid the elevator in this old building, her feet hurt too much to walk up five flights today. Pressing the fifth-floor button on the worn panel, she sniffed the stale air and sneezed.

Great. I’m probably getting a cold.

The elevator door closed with a squeak and after a few seconds, it began its laborious assent to Marcie’s floor. She leaned against one of the brass rails in the car and closed her eyes. She imagined open spaces and simultaneously willed the claustrophobic elevator to move faster. The elevator didn’t seem to heed her plea as it inched upwards. After a few moments, she peeked up at the floor display to see it rolling over to five.

Thank God!

The elevator lurched to a stop, the door slid open, and Marcie leapt out. She turned left towards her studio apartment at the end of the carpeted hall. Reaching for the key clip in her bag, she stopped a foot from her front door.

Where are my keys?

Opening her shoulder bag, she moved her hand around inside her bag, listening for the familiar jingle and expecting to feel a bunch of cold metal keys. Nothing.

Oh, my god.

Her mind raced trying to remember when she last saw them.

At work? Yes, but when? After lunch? No. After the morning meeting? Maybe. Did I take them out? leave them on my desk?  

She always clipped them to the key clasp inside her shoulder bag, but her hand continued to probe her shoulder bag, pulling random items out and then stuffing them back into her bag. She patted her jacket pockets and shook her head, she couldn’t remember and they were gone.  

She frowned at the prospect of having to call Bobby and borrow his key, but it was the only way in at this point. Resigning herself to her fate, she reached into her bag, but her phone was not there either.

Crap, crap, crap!

Marcie blinked back tears as her plan for a nice, quiet evening at home fluttered away like scrap paper in the wind. She swore under her breath and started back towards the elevator just as the man in 5E opened his door and crashed into her.

Ow!

He seemed in a hurry and oblivious to Marcie as she bounced against the wall opposite his door.

Who is this guy?

The man slammed the door behind him and turned around. Seeing Marcie, his eyebrows shot up and she gasped. The front of his shirt was covered in blood.